And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
