Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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