so explain again why im purple
no
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
