nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
