Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize