You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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