I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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