maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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