Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
