we're chasing vodka with high fives
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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