i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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