Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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