your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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