I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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