It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
