i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
50% drunk capacity currently
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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