bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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