I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I intend to get homeless drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize