in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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