meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
it glows. i had to have it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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