I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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