I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize