His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
