Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
