I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
