i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wear drunk well.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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