We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
