so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
