He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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