i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The best revenge is premature balding
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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