Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Come see our sink grown plant.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
