Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Vodka?
Forever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
