Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
