I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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