Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
