I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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