you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
