Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
