Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
