I think im going to throw up on grandma
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
