PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize