You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
