im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im holly from the hills drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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