If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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