So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
