dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
