yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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