Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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