YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
