apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
