I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
