I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
