After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
