you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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