just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
