My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
