Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
