Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
