There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
