i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
