you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Couch. On fire.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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