the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
