I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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