You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize