Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
