it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
