but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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