dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
