i think my tv is drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
