I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
