he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
