they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
