nut hugger
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
did i just pee glitter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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