if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
