Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
