and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
