i was born a porn star she said
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Randomize
