and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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