Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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