we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
whose parrot is this?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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