look no pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
