i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i dont even know how to be here
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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