well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
