So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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