I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
