Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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