If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
