We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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