Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
