I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
