At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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