I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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