I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
