Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
