Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
