Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
