im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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