I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
