You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
