Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize