Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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