I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
