but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
