Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
