Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
